April 18th, 2013

Thursday
Unit 1
Weight: 13 kg
Nurse: Anya

I am back from Medicine Hat and so excited to see you and your dad.  This has been the toughest "welcoming" since this whole process has started.  You look so sad, your head is tilted to the side, there is no expression on your face and you are drooling, excessively.  I try to remain strong, but can't bear to see you in such pain.  I cry on your dad and wonder how we are going to get through this.  How fair is this?  There is nothing to prepare you to look at your son, suffering.  I just want to take this way.  I will post a picture of you resting peacefully.  This is after they increase your morphine.

So, medically you have a few things going on.  We had good news yesterday (see previous post), but the chemo drugs you are taking have many side effects.  One of the effects is mucousitis.  This causes many sores in your mouth and down your GI track and because of the sores there is a lot of drool and mucus.  Your dad and I use a suction tool to try to clear your mouth.  As can be expected, you hate this.  Sometimes you will let us get into your mouth and other times we have to trick you by using your suckie.  It is so hard to see you like this.  As soon as your numbers drop low enough, you will have a transfusion and then your numbers will increase which will help fight off the mucousitis.

You are now back on morphine through the IV.  You won't tell us you are in pain, but we can tell.  You are not yourself and you hands wither anytime you try to do anything.  The Oncologist says the sores in your mouth are very painful.  With all this going on the Oncologist thinks that the morphine is necessary for you to rest.  I hope the morphine will bring a bit of your spark back.  You don't want to eat, read books, cuddle or even go to the bathroom.  You just lye on your bed, emotionless.

So on top of all this going on, your sisters won't be able to come up and visit this weekend.  Abbi has a cough that has been lingering for awhile now.  We don't think it is a good idea for her to be around you.  Dad has not seen the girls since we left Medicine Hat.  It breaks my heart knowing how much they wanted to come and also the fact that your dad feels the same way.  We are hoping for next weekend.

Lots of people have been sending toys for you.  Today we opened a lot of them and you watched.  Even though you have little emotion, you didn't tell us to stop, which tells me you liked watching us. I hope to play with these toys soon.

We are officially done our first chemo treatment in the induction phase.  I hope that you are able to bounce back soon.  I definitely miss my Kallum.  It tears my heart apart seeing you like this.  I am just listening to you snore beside me and find peace knowing you are finally able to rest.

Here is a picture of some posters your sisters made with all the drawings kids have made you as we'll as some pictures of your family and friends. I have caught you looking over at them.



You had a rough evening, I will update tomorrow.

Love you more then you will ever know,

Mom