I just wanted to update the blog with your latest test results. Everything was 100% clear!!! There is a big sigh of relief in this house.
The nurses and doctors were amazed with how good you looked and said that they could hardly recognize you. You were a trooper through all your tests and you were very excited to get some onion rings from Peter's Drive In on the way out of Calgary.
You amaze me everyday!
Love you to the moon and back,
Mom
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Now I know what I didn't know
*Sorry for the late post...
March 12, 2014
All through this journey I said I had it easy, I stayed with you and lived just one side of the journey. I stayed in hospital by your side knowing your mom and others would take care of sisters and the rest of our lives. I always worried for your mother, what she must be going through bouncing back and forth from Calgary and Medicine Hat.Tonight I sit at home with your sisters in Medicine Hat learning what its really like to be this far and helpless. Kallum I have a re-affirmed what I mean when I say your mom belongs to an elite group of tough mom's with sick children, it kills me to be this far away and I don't know how she did it.
I thought I was ready for this, as mom has been doing the monthly appointments alone in Medicine Hat. The first time you got blood work after your line was removed I struggled thinking about the needle I missed, but I made it through the day with little notice for my concern. Through this all only Mom and I had to hold you down for needles, it made me comfortable thinking you felt safe with us holding you. The second time, as one would expect passed easier, its not the fact mom is there, she's more capable than me; I have a hard time letting go of the fact I'm not there and a harder time knowing somebody else is holding you down. I lost count of the many sedations, mornings fasting, hours waiting, talking and distractions, suddenly they are a blur cause I'm not there this time. I now truly feel the internal battle your mother endured, tonight was easy when the girls were awake, but left alone to my own thoughts, I battle.
Its been some time since I shared a lot, but I wanted to make sure you know not only how proud I am of you for how you faced this journey, I also wanted you to know how proud of our family I am for facing it together.
This family is full or heroes, you taught us how.
Love Dad
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Month of March
It is said that March will either come in like a lion or lamb and will leave, the opposite. Well, last year, 2013, our whole month of March was that of a lion. Coming into March 2014, I have a lot of anxiety and unsettled nerves. My hope is that this March will be a March to remember, for all its good rather than the bad. I would like our whole month of March to be a lamb. We have started it off right, with our Wish Trip and I hope to continue the great times.
A year ago, March started with me, in a lot of pain and you acting different than normal. You were more tired and didn't want to do too much. We thought you were getting teeth, an ear infection or were worried about me. March 12th was my back surgery, which was hopefully going to be the answer to a lot of your "different" behavior. Doctors figured once I recovered, and wasn't lying in bed all the time, you would "snap" out of your funk. Well, that was not the case and March continued to just get worse. We finally had you admitted March 27th, 2013 and then we would start a journey we would have never thought possible. We missed Easter as a family and I will never forget the full Easter basket sitting in your room, waiting for you to return. It killed me to empty and put Easter away while you and Daddy were in Calgary. This year, I know things will be better, but it is hard to shake some of these feelings...it kinda feels like deja vu, and I need to realize that today is a new day and I need celebrate that things are great right now.
Tomorrow we leave to go to Calgary to have all your tests done again. You will have a chest x-ray, MRI, ultrasound, bone marrow aspiration, lumbar puncture and a check up with Dr. Anderson. Your tests came back, all clear, 3 months ago and I have been praying that they are the same this time around. This time, for tests, you will have to get an IV as you no longer have your central line. I am not too sure how this is going to fair, but I know we will get through it. At least this time you won't be expecting it, I am not sure how you will be 3 months from now. The hard part will be waiting for the results.
As usual I don't really have anything new to add on top of what mom has already said but I wanted to say something small. I feel the same anxiety your mother does, it's not sitting and waiting for something bad to happen but feeling we are not out of the woods. Your mom talked above about all the other things we thought it was and its hard to describe how blind sided I was when the diagnosis came. I just want to make sure if that time ever comes again I was watching for it, I don't live on pins and needles but I am much more aware of the things that effect us all. Praying for the best for your and know you are getting tougher yet and soon IV's will just be another thing you push through.
I end this blog watching you drive your tractor up and down the driveway. Hooray, for some nice weather!! My heart is so happy to see you so active. We actually all went for a family walk tonight too, just another thing that was not possible last year for you or I. I just pray that every day is like today!!
Love you to the moon and back,
Mom
A year ago, March started with me, in a lot of pain and you acting different than normal. You were more tired and didn't want to do too much. We thought you were getting teeth, an ear infection or were worried about me. March 12th was my back surgery, which was hopefully going to be the answer to a lot of your "different" behavior. Doctors figured once I recovered, and wasn't lying in bed all the time, you would "snap" out of your funk. Well, that was not the case and March continued to just get worse. We finally had you admitted March 27th, 2013 and then we would start a journey we would have never thought possible. We missed Easter as a family and I will never forget the full Easter basket sitting in your room, waiting for you to return. It killed me to empty and put Easter away while you and Daddy were in Calgary. This year, I know things will be better, but it is hard to shake some of these feelings...it kinda feels like deja vu, and I need to realize that today is a new day and I need celebrate that things are great right now.
Tomorrow we leave to go to Calgary to have all your tests done again. You will have a chest x-ray, MRI, ultrasound, bone marrow aspiration, lumbar puncture and a check up with Dr. Anderson. Your tests came back, all clear, 3 months ago and I have been praying that they are the same this time around. This time, for tests, you will have to get an IV as you no longer have your central line. I am not too sure how this is going to fair, but I know we will get through it. At least this time you won't be expecting it, I am not sure how you will be 3 months from now. The hard part will be waiting for the results.
As usual I don't really have anything new to add on top of what mom has already said but I wanted to say something small. I feel the same anxiety your mother does, it's not sitting and waiting for something bad to happen but feeling we are not out of the woods. Your mom talked above about all the other things we thought it was and its hard to describe how blind sided I was when the diagnosis came. I just want to make sure if that time ever comes again I was watching for it, I don't live on pins and needles but I am much more aware of the things that effect us all. Praying for the best for your and know you are getting tougher yet and soon IV's will just be another thing you push through.
I end this blog watching you drive your tractor up and down the driveway. Hooray, for some nice weather!! My heart is so happy to see you so active. We actually all went for a family walk tonight too, just another thing that was not possible last year for you or I. I just pray that every day is like today!!
Love you to the moon and back,
Mom
Thursday, March 6, 2014
A Trip of a Lifetime!!
Well we are back from what we have called "our most amazing trip ever!" It truly blew away all of our expectations and dreams. So much so, that your dad has even stated that he wants to go again, which is huge because you dad hates travelling. There are really no words to express how amazing it was and hopefully some of the pictures can do the talking!
A few highlights from the trip were seeing you light up whenever you saw a character or interacted with them, your favorite by far was Mickey. You absolutely loved the beach, especially the sand. We had a hard time telling you it was time to go or even time to eat. Pirate night was one of your favorites too. You loved the fact that you were dressed up like Captain Hook (thanks Debbie) and then the "real" Captain Hook took the stage and tried to take over the ship. My favorite was just enjoying time together as a family, taking in everything that was presented to us. Disney really does know how to make the Magic happen. So many times I just watched you and your sisters take it all in and tried to remember the moment so I could keep the memories forever. I do have to agree what the whole trip was Magical!!
Here are just a few pictures to give you a small glimpse of the trip.
A few highlights from the trip were seeing you light up whenever you saw a character or interacted with them, your favorite by far was Mickey. You absolutely loved the beach, especially the sand. We had a hard time telling you it was time to go or even time to eat. Pirate night was one of your favorites too. You loved the fact that you were dressed up like Captain Hook (thanks Debbie) and then the "real" Captain Hook took the stage and tried to take over the ship. My favorite was just enjoying time together as a family, taking in everything that was presented to us. Disney really does know how to make the Magic happen. So many times I just watched you and your sisters take it all in and tried to remember the moment so I could keep the memories forever. I do have to agree what the whole trip was Magical!!
Here are just a few pictures to give you a small glimpse of the trip.
Love you to the moon and back,
Mom :)
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